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30th of Agrazhar 718
Dear Mother, Father, and all the family,
Things in the legion are going well. I am slowly finding new purpose and meaning to my life, something I hope to share for the duration of my life. Just recently I have heard a theological debate which has enlightened me to my true heart's belief. As the days go by, I must say that I am reaching my original goal right where I am within the legion. I don't wish to bore you with the details and instead, I will hope to tell you soon in person all of the discoveries I have made.
I also write to know how the family is doing. Although I expect my dear sister to marry soon, I have yet to know when the wedding is being planned for. I hope to be present for the ceremony as the two lovebirds walk their circles. How is the shop? Perhaps father would be interested in expanding his business to include a few legionnaires of whom I know? Just a suggestion, and of course we would have to look into the proper permits. I must say all my questions are to avoid answering Mother's own query about the new owner of the scabbard. I must say, it was incredible work you have done. Never have I been more proud of my name and origin.
I have avoided telling you anything about the one my heart has chosen for many reason. When I first noticed this woman, I was too engrossed in being a knight-legionnaire and I thought every knight needs a broken heart. Should I not also have a deep and sad love story to give me the internal anguish that I will bravely change into courage and honor? In a way, I have chosen someone who is not quite appropriate for me, to create an impossible love for myself.
As romantic stories left my mind and I came back to my senses, I realized I was in love with the fantasy I have created more than the real person that she was. It was also at that time that we were assigned to patrol the Rethem border. During this time, I came to experience firsthand the goodness of her heart, the strength of her will and the clarity of her being. She is truly more than I will ever be. Besides, as the possibility of my puppy love dawned on her, she has made it quite clear that her interests were very far from matrimony or a relationship with a "pup" as she calls me. I have since done the impossible not to make her feel the burden of my love for her.
Nonetheless, a small hope remains in me, that I may share my life and heart with her. So you can see part of my dilemma concerning my courting her. So for the past thirty days I have had a slave or myself sneak into her room to leave her flowers. Not everyday, but two to three times a ten-day. She has even taken a fancy to them for she has requested pot of water which she uses as a vase. It has started a trend, for other legionnaires have begun to place flowers in their quarters on the pretext that it makes it "homier". One man tried teasing her about the flowers and he promptly found himself with a bloody nose. The rest of her Tenasi also enjoy the flowers for they defend their right to have them in their quarters. These days she enjoys the jibes retorting that the people are jealous of her admirer. Some legionnaires have been so bold as to lie, and tell her they are the one, but she has yet to believe any of them - to my relief
As for the scabbard, I was able to sneak into her room and place it in her bed so that nothing out of order would show yet when she would go to bed and she would feel it's presence. I was rewarded by seeing her use it just yesterday. It is somewhat embarrassing to reveal all these things to my parents and family, but I'm at the point where I need your acceptance and possibly your guidance.
The reason I need your acceptance is because although I will see much of the world as a legionnaire, this woman has already seen twice my life span's worth of the world, she's also a legionnaire which I imagine was not your first hope for your son. You may even have heard of her, her name is Kalindae. I will understand and honor your request that I not pursue this relationship, but I hope such a dark moment will not come.
The reason need your guidance is because I am slowly running out of ideas as to how I can continue to win her heart, without becoming a burden to her or my duties. I must say, I dream of taking her on my horse to an exotic location where we could have a friendly picnic, but I believe she and I enjoy the mystery this situation has created. Perhaps I was too quick in giving her the scabbard, perhaps I should have started with something more subtle like a soap scented by the same flowers I give her (What is the name of that flower anyway?) or even a perfume. But it's too late to take it back' Please help me, Mother, you are the one who is always full of ideas for this type of situation. Father, perhaps you can help me discover the way to the heart of my wild flower. Please write to me soon, I do not wish to go against your wishes if such is your decision, if not, please write soon and help me write the end of this story. I hope to do the right thing.
Your loving son, always
Antonius
PS I have included a short note for my friends in the Church, I ask you to bring it to them, at your leisure.
30th of Agrazhar 718
Dear friends,
This short letter is to give you news of me and also to satisfy my curiosity as to how all of you are doing. Although Fobin is not that far, little news of each of you reaches me. I hope to find out how Sir Matthew, Elder Marcus, Sister Anna, Marcus, Bestier, and everyone and every beast is doing.
Out here, great adventures are searching me out, the biggest and most important news I have is that a horse has found me. I have named him Beccaria, a name which he proudly carries. I must say, I'm quite overwhelmed by his presence, I have no idea how to thank the Goddess for her gift. I also worry as to whether or not I deserve to be blessed in such a way. The presence of this horse has created an almost overwhelming doubt in me as to what I have done to be so well accompanied. Beccaria does comfort me by saying he is the one who has chosen me and not the other way around, which has helped me put my doubts aside.
I am also coming closer to understanding of the Agrikan oracle through the help of a Kotan. The Kotan has been with us for a certain length of time and is helping me understand my own feelings towards the Goddesses. I fear I will disappoint you all when I say that more and more I believe myself to be a Kotan as well. I am sorry about going against your hopes for me, although the lessons you have thought me will always be put to Good uses. I have also been blessed by a vision of the Goddess, hence my growing convictions.
I hope to pass through Coranan in the next few months, I will be able to see you all at that time. In the meantime I apologize to all of you who possibly feel a pang of disappointment in me. If Sir Matthew decides to withdraw his patronage to me, it will be a decision I will understand and accept with no ill feelings towards any of you, it is a decision I feel you have the right to make. I also hope to discover more about the Kotan so that I may satisfy my own thirst for knowledge, even if my current mentor is opposed to teach or preaching to anyone.
I have seen a theological debate between the Kotan and Laranian Knights. During this debate I have seen a knight completely change his understanding of the Goddess. I pray this change will not be an additional burden to him. I truly believe I have chosen the path of my faith, there is a rightness to all I am discovering. Perhaps I can share with you some of the things I have learned, without going against my new found knowledge.
Forever your squire,
Antonius.
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