It doesn't show in the current version, but it's not the print version, by any means. If necessary, I'll blur it a little for the final. I doubt many people will notice such a tiny detail anyway, but thanks for the heads up.

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This article on pdf compression using Acrobat 7 might be interesting, Peter:

http://www.websiteoptimization.com/speed/tweak/pdf/

Happy to have a go at expanding the regional Tribal information - if you still need it?

Let me know...

Jeremy - and give me a word count!

ACK! While once more taking an admiring look at Paul's handiwork (marvelous! I am so looking forward to the huge splash this makes upon release) I stumbled across the root, nay, the tuber of all heresy....what is that I see in the price list for the inn's fare (page 31) but a disguised potato! Oh, please tell me that was an oversight rather than a stand on the rights of potatoes....

Is there some meaning to 'tater' other than 'potato'?...did we already discuss this and I just forget?

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::Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone -- all by itself.::

Looks like we're good to go, actually. Thanks for offering, though!

Well, it was that, or alligator pie and turkey salad with a side of maize.

Peter, you can change taters to vegetables. Lord knows we don't want to get the Inquisition going!

Don't forget the peanut, tomato and avocado garnish for that salad, and follow the whole meal with a bowl of Ol' Toby!

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::Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone -- all by itself.::

Lerenil Page 37 - the text for map key 12 and map key 13 are reversed.

#12 should be the kitchen and #13 should be the employees' quarters.

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::Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone -- all by itself.::

Also on page 37, in the entry for map key #7, the sentence that reads "Uthr prefers wood for firing most of his other wares, and because learning to control temperature through selection of the right variety of woods is part of the apprentices’ training." Should read:

Uthr prefers wood for firing most of his other wares and learning to control temperature through selection of the right variety of woods is part of the apprentices’ training.

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::Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone -- all by itself.::

I will add my final NPCs tonight, and other than my proof read (which I'll do after Peter integrates the NPCs), we'll be good to go (barring any comments from ya'll).

Here's the text I'd like to use for the library when the time comes:

Lerenil
Located on the south banks of the Ulmerien, Lerenil is the seat of the Barony of Lerenil and the western-most settlement in Chybisa. It stands as the kingdom’s first line of defense against any future invasion from the West, though its rulers must rely more on diplomacy than strength of arms to keep the peace.

Over 40 pages detail the Chybisan town of Lerenil and the keep that guards it. The Lerenil article offers a complete overview of the town and the barony's manors, seven adventure ideas, dozens of NPCs ranging from garrison commanders to servants of Naveh, and detailed sites ranging from Caer Lerenil and a large-scale pottery to a seamans' hostel and Hodiri summer camp. Tangle with foreign spies, bandits haunting ruined halls, barbarian horse traders, lords scheming to regain manors lost, and an indomitable baroness determined to foist a wife on her playboy nephew and foil the baron of Geda.

Brought to you by Team Lerenil: Paul Sudlow, Sophia Tribad, Jeremy Baker, Juha Makkonen, Ilkka Leskelä, Matthias Janssen, and Peter Leitch.


Any comments or suggestions?

I made one small edit to make my name correct.

Leitchy is a nickname, the one I prefer. Most women call me "Peter", most men call me "Leitchy". Or "Hey you!", or sometime they call me rude things; can you imagine that?

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[Updated 25-FEB-2011]

Oops. I decided to watch BSG tonight instead of write up NPCs. I'll try again tomorrow night, after the proposal is done with me (yes, I'm back to working weekends).

Hey, don't sweat it, Paul. It's cool. Take as long as you like. They longer you take, the more free time I have!

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Free time is over! Here's the last bit. It should tuck in at the end of page 35. If you can, try to work the former Tallis in as Gaither. Looks like Sir Hanseth will have to wait a new project... Alas.

The River Rats
The river rats are a dozen or so rivermen who hire themselves out as extra barge hands during the summer season. In the winter months, the particularly poor rats—those most apt to drink their summer earnings before autumn—winter at the Lerenil hostel because it is cheaper than boarding in Burzyn and more comfortable than a freezing farmer’s loft.
The rats are in and out of the hostel in the summer as the barges come and go. In winter they hunker down, emerging only to perform odd jobs about town. They generally scrape enough coins together to keep Shamus’ purse content, though the landlord has learned to slightly overcharge infamous defaulters so they will have enough set aside for the winter.

Gaither of Lundel
Gaither is a rough but handsome man of 32 years. A runaway serf from Oselshire, he began a new life as a river laborer. Though prone to drink heavily, he shows more initiative than most of his fellows when sober, and is well thought of by the rivermen. He’s seeing a local farmer’s daughter.

Avvy of Tensel
Avyy is a thin, sallow-faced local of 27. Though a dedicated gambler, his luck is atrocious, which explains his need for cheap accommodations. He is forever arranging cock fights, games of chance, and other diversions for the townsmen, and collects a cut for his services. Unbeknownst to most, Avvy is the local Lia-Kavair contact.

Lennard of Gandy
Lenny is a great ox of a man in his mid-twenties. Mildly retarded and droopy-eyed, Lenny does is very good at lifting crates, watching for submerged river obstructions, and tending fires. The other rats look after him. He likes to tie knots and knows some 35 different kinds, including Lythian naval variants sailors have taught him.


RE the sidebar: up to you. If you do box them, make sure the edges don't crowd the text.

Updated.

http://www.lythia.com/downloads/Lerenil.zip

Careful, this one is 11.2MB in size. Please check the illustration and map quality.

Paul, there is one small area that needs some additional text, and that's the first page of the Seaman's Hostel. I could move the accommodation and meal prices to the mid-point of the second column, but I think an additional paragraph or two small ones would be better.

Waddya say? Got a few more words you?

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Proofing comments:

Change:
CARTOGRAPHER
Paul Sudlow & Patrick Nilsson (color patterns)

to
CARTOGRAPHER
Paul Sudlow (color map textures by Patrick Nilsson)

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Pg 2: Force a break so "Gebral" falls on one line.

Likewise "Kalydis"

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Cut the word "Chybisan" in the following sentence. I crave ambiguity.
"In his absence, Lerenil was governed by a proxy of Kaldor, a Chybisan knight named Galorad Kaphin."

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pg 3: double hyphens, one set per column

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pg 4, 4th para: "Lerneil" should be "Lerenil"

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pg 5
two sets of double hypens, both first column

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More to come...

Do a global search and replace to capitalize "Clan" whenever it proceeds a proper clan name (e.g, change "clan Legith" to "Clan Legith")

pg 11: Double hyphen (2 sets), 2nd col.

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pg 13: double hyphen, 2nd col.

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pg 15
Change:
In his youth he routinely against men many years his senior
in contests of skill, both gently and lowly born.

To:
In his youth he routinely bested men many years his senior
in contests of skill, both gently and lowly born.

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pg 17
I'm not a big fan of the way the text is crunched up in some paragraphs; it throws the color of the page off. We could easily have reflowed these more naturally than write filler text in this section. No need to do anything about it now, just a random comment.

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pg 21: The sidebar text is not hyphenated, though it is on page 4; review all sidebars and apply one style or the other.

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Okay, I'll do the rest tomorrow...

I've reflowed the text and moved a few entries around (I don't think the order matters, does it?) Tell me if this is better; it's all at the same "scrunch" level, now.

Pg21 is all narative text, while pg4 is more a list that narrative, but there are hyphens in both. Unlike Word, InDesign doesn't give you the option to have or not have hyphens (at least, I haven't found that functionality yet).

The pg21 sidebar may look better if it were justified, perhaps?

Everything else reported so far is done.

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pg 21. Whups, possible boo-boo: Can I claim Goslin Tower is a relic of the Codominium era when it was built after the coming of men? (Built during the Atani Wars, pg 1.) If the answer is "no", cut the last four words from the following sentence:

Amorien Tower at Bejist is the only other known surviving structure in human lands that features this cooperative design from the Codominium era.

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Change:
Historically, Goslin Tower served as the living space for Caer Lerenil’s nobles—especially in the days when the rest of the keep was in ruins.

To:
Historically, Goslin Tower served as the living space for Caer Lerenil’s nobles.

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Cut double periods at end of pg 21.

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pg 22: Cut this sentence if you cut the one on pg 21:
Like the tower itself, Thumbnail is a relic of the Codominium era.

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pg 24.
Add this sentence to the end of the Goslin Tower Room 1 entry:
Concealed beneath a heavy but loose flagstone at the back of the fireplace is a leather pouch containing the war booty of a long-dead soldier: several ivory throwing bones, 23d of Kaldoric silver, and a lady's golden locket bearing the seal of House Dariune.

(Need to fill some space, and besides, some schemers could have a grand time with a token with ties to the Earl of Balim!)

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pg 26:

Add to end of 5. Steward’s Room:
Sir Alred sometimes works late into the evening on the keep's books, and at such times leaves them for the remainder of the night in his stout but unlocked chest. Those bold enough to "borrow" the books may discover his ribald taste in Golotha bookmarks.

Entry 8, capitalize "great hall" to "Great Hall".

Change:
Keep servants are not allowed to sleep in this room if it is not being used by a guest.

To:
Rael Zosim calls this her thinking room. It remains unoccupied when it is not being used by a guest, and she often comes here to study and ponder the fates.
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More coming...

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You need to turn the resolution of the pdf up some more. I'm getting considerable artifacts on the basement crosshatching pattern, and barrel and crate details are fuzzy.

pg 30:
Double hyphens!

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pg 31:
Add to Accomocations sidebar:
Use of the private room, 3 hours .... 1d

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pg 33:

Change:
The caretaker Shamus is the only person to live in the hostel full time; Anna the housekeeper lives in her father’s house. She arrives before dawn each morning to begin a long day of cooking and cleaning.

To:
The caretaker Shamus is the only person to live in the hostel full time in the summer months; Anna the housekeeper lives in her father’s house. She arrives before dawn each morning to begin a long day of cooking and cleaning.
In the dark days of winter, some of the poorer rivermen bed in the hostel full time, waiting for the river traffic to being flowing once more in the spring. Known along the river as the river rats, they keep to themselves except when performing odd jobs for food or small change.

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pg 35
Change "Avyy" to "Avvy"

Change:
Lenny does is very good

To:
Lenny is very good


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pg 37
Break to a new paragragh beginning with:
"In an effort to expand his business further,"

Break to a new paragragh beginning with:
"Contrary to expectations, Uthr"

2nd col, 2nd para:
Change "insure" to "ensure"

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pg 40:
Make this a blank page (but with numbered header and footer) and push Dugeai onto page 41 and flow on from there. With this entry especially, I want to give people the flexibility to put this entry with either the Lerenil entry or after the Hidori entry in Barbarians. I know that's less than elegant, but I didn't realize this had been done until now.

Jeremy, if you'd still like to add that page of text to the Dugeai section, I think we could use it after all.

Failing this, end this section on another blank page with numbered header and footer. Then, the color map with another blank page. Weee!

Sidebar: Weird break with hor-seclan. Force break to next line or go with horse-clan

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pg 41

Add coma after "fairly" in first line.

Double hyphen bottom first col.

Italize "gur" on this page and hereafter. It is so treated in "Barbarians".

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BTW, I've finally decided that the town spy for the Forstane outlaws is one of the sisters in the Peoni temple, and their messenger is Wat. Not too original, I know... Should I spell stuff like this out, or leave it to the GM to decide?

Warning: I'm resisting the urge of making Maeve of Usef the Scarecrow of Romney Marsh, but my pulp roots run deep, and I might not be able to resist...

I think you can let it stand, if you want to. The way I read the text is that the design is a relic of the codominium period, not that the tower itself is. Especially since you then explain the shift to a dwarvish preference for angular designs during the atani period. Goslin is a 'cusp' artifact, as it were.

But you're right about the dating - HârnDex tells us the codominium period ended c.1300 BT with the coming of men, and the atani wars began c.900 BT. So if you mean to refer to the tower as a physical relic, rather than to its style, you should make the change.

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::Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone -- all by itself.::

Good enough for me. Let it stand! Thanks, Sophia.

From the latest round of forum-chatter, I think most folks would like it spelled out with the option of ignoring it rather than having to come to it on their own.

Motives? Ol' Wat shouldn't be hard, but what turns one of the sisters to this? Some connection to one of the outlaws? A mis-guided belief in Robin Hood? Or is it more about anti-something than pro-something?

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::Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone -- all by itself.::

Nothing in particular. I'm just playing. I don't feel like spelling any more out in this article, so it doesn't matter yet.

I'm sorry, I am just confused. Are Chunel and Chunul (page 6) the same person, i.e., the king of Melderyn?

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Running: MERP / Woses of the black wood